Friday, November 22, 2013

Dear Mom in Survival Mode...

Dear mom in survival mode,

When did life make you feel like it was competition? That being a mom was a competition?

When did you start putting other people down in order to make yourself feel better?

Yes mom, who's name I have decided to hide in the below photo, I am writing this letter to you. 

Because I am you. I'm a mother. In survival mode.
You don't know me. Or my story. 

You saw a photo that was shared from my blog and passed judgement. 

You're not the first. You'd be surprised how many negative comments I see. 

But yours was different. Yours conveyed hurt.  

Trust me. I am not bored. I am simply a mom, who loves her daughter.

You see, my daughter (Little Miss) has food allergies and is on a special diet. 

She can't eat school provided food. Often is left out of treats, parties, and school events for her own safety. 

If she eats a peanut, she will die. If she eats gluten, she will get very sick.

For the past two months, one of her very best friends has been building her up about an upcoming birthday party at her house. That my daughter would be invited. She has been counting down the days and checking the mail for her very special invitation.

Her friend broke the news to her just last week that her mother did not want my daughter invited. 

Why? Because of her allergies. 

You weren't here. You weren't here when my daughter cried on my shoulder. You weren't here when she asked why God gave her allergies. And you weren't here to mend her broken heart.

I'm a mom in survival mode, just like you.

You don't know that I'm a survivor of domestic violence. That my story would bring chills to your bones. That no woman or child should have to go through what Little Miss and I did.

You don't know that I went through a period without heat. That I would go without food so I could feed and take care of my daughter instead. 

You don't know that I work full time and have worked a part time job, in conjunction to that, for most of the last eight years to make ends meet. 

I'm a mom in survival mode, just like you.

We all choose to spend our time differently. Some moms love to read, knit, or quilt. Some parents have a favorite TV show and can kill a good 2-3 hours per night on the couch. Some moms are volunteers - giving up countless weekend and evening hours at the church or school functions to help others. 

Would you call those volunteers "bored overachievers"? Didn't think so.

My daughter is my world. 
Yes, I spend 10-15 minutes a night making her fun lunches. 

Why? So she can feel loved. For that moment when she opens her lunch, she doesn't feel left out or that she's missing out on what the other kids have. Instead, they love seeing what creative things her Mama has made for her and often wish they had it too. And you know what? That makes her proud. 

So if for that brief period of her school day, I can fill her heart and make up for those days she gets left out or not invited to a party, then I will gladly give up a few minutes of my evening to make them for her.

And I will gladly take the time to blog about them so that other parents can get inspired to help their children with food allergies and special diets feel proud too.

Dear mom in survival mode, 

I'm not out here trying to make you feel like you're not a good mom. To make you "look bad", as you said.

Because I am you. I'm a mother. In survival mode. 

Maybe you need to be told it more often: That you're doing a great job. Told that you are loved. That you work hard and maybe you need some understanding.

I understand. 

We mothers are all doing great things. Our babies are growing. They're healthy. They're loved. 

You're raising little achievers.

There are days you want to pull your hair out, throw in the towel, take a vacation, or shut the door to the bathroom without a knock calling your name on the other side.

We mothers understand.

I'm not against you. In fact, I want to help you.

I've been blessed to be a blessing. My life is filled with gratitude for all I've overcome and the fact that I'm even still alive.

Dear mom in survival mode, 

If you need help, please reach out to me. Tell me how I can help you. Maybe it's just a kind word. Maybe it's a much needed haircut. Maybe it's a bill that won't go away.

How about we work together instead of against one another?

Spreading joy and love, instead of passing judgement. Being blessings to other moms and dads in need.

Uplifting one another for our successes and being a shoulder during our trials.

I think the world could use a lot more of that... we could start something special.

Because we're both moms. In survival mode.

~Keeley

43 comments:

  1. This was beautiful! We are all Moms. Trying to do our best! Thank you for all you do! I have learned a lot from you! ~ Nina

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  2. I LOVE this post! Keeley, you are a strong and impressive advocate for the safety and well-being of Little Miss and other children with allergies. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful ideas, recipes, and thoughts.

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  3. Beautiful Keely, honestly one of the best things I've read on the internet all month long. I'm grateful that you shared it for us all to read. I think every now and then we all feel this way and need that reminder. Good for you! By the way don't ever quit what you're doing because it is GREAT and it really does inspire. :)

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  4. I love what you have written Keeley, you are an inspiration to me and many others!! You are an amazing mom with a beautiful daughter!

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  5. Keeley, I love the way you handled this. Sometimes people who say ugly things are hurting and you acknowledged that. I am also sending you many hugs because even though what you wrote was poised and thoughtful I've no doubt the triggering post was hurtful. - Homa

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  6. Wow. You are an incredible mama and a very classy lady Keeley. A great example to your daughter. Thank you for these beautifully written and very powerful words.

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  7. Beautiful post, Keeley. I have goosebumps reading it. Love to you and Little Miss!

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  8. Beautiful post, Keeley. I have goosebumps reading it. Love to you and Little Miss!

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  9. Tears in my eyes as I type this. You are an amazing, powerful, inspirational, kind, and loving person. Thank you for the way you handled this tough situation. Thank you for showing me and the world a positive way of handling such a negative situation. (((hugs)))

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  10. That is so sad. I have to say having two children, my kids would rather take things away from the party, then to not have one of their friends there. But, I can tell you that if i wasn't a food difference, it would be something else, people who are ready to attack, are usually more insecure than you can help with. I homeschool, I also do extra things to make my kids feel good about their learning experience, and people judge me by that. I do it for my kids, not for them. All the best.
    www.inspiringnhkids.com

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  11. (sniff) Keeley, I knew you were an amazing person but this just proves it!

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  12. Oh Keely, I treasure the time I got to spend with you in August and am so inspired by this post. You're amazing. You've displayed wisdom and grace in equal measure. This life is tough, for all of us, just as you said. We're all in it together :)

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  13. Wow, Keeley! What a well-written, heart-felt response! As bloggers, we are easy targets for those who are depressed, angry, lost or insecure. Kudos to you have handling it with such grace. I hope that your message reaches this bitter mother, because I'm certain it would touch her heart. You're an AMAZING mom and blogger! Have a lovely day! -Rebecca ~Pure & Peanut Free

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  14. This is an awesome, awesome post. Very well, and importantly, said. :) Thank you for sharing this. (Seriously though? People need to stop taking social media, and The Internet itself, so seriously. Facebook and Pinterest are not out to get you.)

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  15. I have not been so moved by such an honest and direct post in a very long time. Thank you for being open with how you feel after reading such negativity! It's a great reminder to all of us that we cannot choose the things that people throw at us, but we can choose how we react. Kudos on choosing the classy high road. It's not easy and it's intensely lonely, but it's worth it - especially when we realize that our little blessings are watching us and learning how to conduct themselves.

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  16. What a wonderful post, Keeley! Your daughter is very fortunate to have a mom as loving, caring, and self-sacrificing as you.

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  17. What a wonderful post, Keeley! Your daughter is very fortunate to have a mom as loving, caring, and self-sacrificing as you.

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  18. My daughter, is a Mom in Survival Mode and I am so proud of her. She gave up her career to stay home with her son who has multiple food and environmental allergies and severe asthma. I don't know how she continues to fight the good fight. I pray for the cure, but I am afraid when I see these new diseases turn into an industry.

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  19. Keeley, I just adore you. This post shows incredible grace, and deserves far more praise than my little comment can give it. I feel like I've just gotten to know a little more than your lovely exterior. I truly hope we can spend some time together again in the future. (((Hugs.)))

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  20. Awesome. Just plain awesome. 😊

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  21. This is so kind of you. I'm a mom of a middle school child, who will soon be divorced, and I'm in survival mode because my son, around whom I've built half my married life, will now only spend half his time with me. This made me cry, but it also made me feel better.

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  22. Beauty, grace and class inside and out. I'm overwhelmed with pride around your humility and strength. You prove that to have one you must have the other. Thank you for reminding me to always show compassion.

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  23. This is one of the most powerful and amazing things I have read in a very long time. You have made my day, especially since I can relate on so many levels (from the finance problems, to working all I can to make ends meet, and having a little girl struggling with being left out because of her food allergies). You seem to be an amazing parent and I applaude you.It is sad to see one parent attacking abother like that and making assumptions about someone elses life. Just because you are not publicly posting your struggles doesn't make them any less real. Thank you for this. You have made my day.

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  24. This is one of the most powerful and amazing things I have read in a very long time. You have made my day, especially since I can relate on so many levels (from the finance problems, to working all I can to make ends meet, and having a little girl struggling with being left out because of her food allergies). You seem to be an amazing parent and I applaude you.It is sad to see one parent attacking abother like that and making assumptions about someone elses life. Just because you are not publicly posting your struggles doesn't make them any less real. Thank you for this. You have made my day.

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  25. Beautifully said. I am so humbled that you were able to respond with love instead of just striking back. That would have been my response. Or how I wanted to respond. Thank you

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  26. I'm in awe that you turned something negative into something positive. for everyone. You are an inspiration. Not everyone agrees with the time it takes to make lunches for our kids be more visually appealing, but those people don't need to follow your blog either. You're here to inspire. Inform. and help when you can. the people that want to soak all that in are the ones who belong here....if someone isn't interested in what you have to offer, in my opinion, they need to quietly move on rather that post negative energy. I hope you reached out to this mom so she can understand the hurt she caused. <3

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  27. Keeley,

    If the girls are close have you though of waiting a week or two and inviting the birthday girl over for a play date so the 2 girls can hang out?

    With my son if he ever has a friend with food allergies I hope I will be able to have his friends over but I would worry about a gluten free nut free party. (Though with my allergies he might be the allergic kid, sigh.. hope he gets his dad's allergy free stuff, but doesn't look like it.) I was all with you until you said she could die if she had a nut... I would be so worried about the kids giving her one I would hover (and I have allergies to everything.) Is the mom up for you and her getting to know each other better.. ? Esp if the girls are close. If not I am sorry you daughter's mom is not flexible.
    I see you bend over backwards to make the world safe. Good Job.
    (Mildly panicking mom of a sensitive under 1 boy... )

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  28. I am thankful for you...thankful for your survival, and for your ability to turn something ugly into something heartfelt, positive, and beautiful. <3

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  29. Wow, Keeley, that was a kind and great response.

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  30. Wow, Keeley, that was a great and kind response.

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  31. My best wishes for you and your family.

    Thanks for being an inspiration for other moms.

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  32. Keeley, You are a continual source of inspiration. Both in the creativity you add to our allergy restricted life, and now in modeling the grace the world needs more of... You have touched my heart with this post. Thank you for the courage to post it, and the courage to offer kindness to a struggling mama that chose to lash out instead of reaching out. ((hugs))

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  33. You expressed your thoughts so beautifully. Your story is one of courage, sacrifice, compassion, and love. You are so inspiring, Keeley.

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  34. Thanks for sharing more about your life and survival mode. What an eloquent post. We are definitely all in survival mode in some way aren't we!?

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  35. Very well put. Keep doing what you are doing! You are a true inspiration to the food allergy moms and dads out there! You know, I dread the day my little guy doesn't get invited to a party. We already don't get the invites like we used to, but he hasn't noticed that yet. :(

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  36. This morning I said, "I will not be distracted by anything on the internet", but this post was so brilliant and so captivating that I had to read it. So well done, Keeley! (Very sad about the party, by the way. We instead are dealing with birthday parties in nut-heavy houses where parents are asked to remain at home. The past weekend we went to one where the arts and craft project involved walnuts on sticks...the nut my son is most allergic to!)

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  37. thank you for these powerful words! I will be sharing this for sure!

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  38. Great post. Very inspiring. Thanks for sharing your "real" life with us!

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  39. Thank you for the writing this. I am honestly touched and moved by your words. I absolutely feel your pain, and I'm glad you continue to show your love and make your daughter proud. She is truly blessed and so are you. This will definitely be shared and hope will serve as an eye-opener to those who enjoy to criticize others. God bless you, Keeley!

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  40. Thank you for the writing this. I am honestly touched and moved by your words. I absolutely feel your pain, and I'm glad you continue to show your love and make your daughter proud. She is truly blessed and so are you. This will definitely be shared and hope will serve as an eye-opener to those who enjoy to criticize others. God bless you, Keeley!

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  41. Way to take the high road Keeley! I too have an allergy darling. I worry anytime she has a playdate or goes to a party. I fret about how others must feel when I mention her allergies when RSVP'ing for parties. Thankfully I am surrounded by some amazing moms who want to do whatever they can to include my daughter in their celebrations. I feel so bad that someone looked to put you down to lift themselves higher. I admire you for all you've been through and wish you peace and blessings on the path that lies before you. Take care!!

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  42. Wonderful post! Loved it! I can relate to far too much of what you've written. I will joke about bento-making being my personal crazy, but if it makes my kids be the envy of the lunchroom rather than the person who feels left out during lunch, then it's all good.
    I wish the other parent was willing to call you about food allergies - my kids have brought their own food to a bunch of parties, and I've even made allergy-friendly cakes for the whole party.

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